Porny: Corny with a Penis

Today we went live with a double scene Manuel and I shot a couple of years ago that features Bree Daniels. It’s always a little troublesome trying to figure out what to go live with, and when, exactly to go live with a given update relative to the other updates when the site offers such a seemingly random assortment of content—or at least content with no unifying factor. There is a unifying factor though, hidden there in the shadows. The unifying factor is that I like the content. It is curated smut.

My biggest pet peeve in content selection: Porn that is Porny.

Porny, to me, is the worst thing that porn can be. It’s hard to properly define porny, mostly because it’s a feeling for me—an emotion, nearly—though I can say that it is at best a quality in an adult production that elicits eye rolling and at worst symptomatic of the greatest deficits of our time. Porny lies somewhere in there. Signs that a movie might be porny include a lack of imagination, lack of fucks given, lack of properly fitted wardrobe, lack of proper make up application (absence of make up is fine, but if you do it, and badly, you are porny), lack of style, lack of continuity of things like fucks given, style, imagination, etc., and—perhaps the worst offense—an overreaching air of entitlement in the sense that whoever has made the content has made it with such indifference, cynicism, and general malice in the direction of the subpar idiots whom they’ve characterized as the viewers of their product that they’ve begun to consider themselves a bit of a saint just for dipping low enough to make such shit in the first place.

Lucky for you, the viewer, or for you, the present day porn performer, this attitude is in dangerous decline. The Internet has adjusted us all. And for all of the hand wringing and social media railing we’ve done against freely offered content and piracy and file sharing and whatnot, one positive thing that has happened is a lot of the people who were making “shit for your sake” have been weeded out. They’ve gone out of business. It turns out the viewer was never the subpar idiot who should be grateful just to have access to any content, but was instead limited by natural forces of the pre Internet marketplace, and took what he could get. Shit was mixed haphazardly in with the great stuff. The market was not making all that much distinction. A lot of people who didn’t have any right to success back in the glory days of porn were able to have success just because they found the right industry in the right time and place, and not because they were gods gift to idiots.

Now, that’s not to say a lot of the great content producers didn’t go out of business too. Piracy is a beast and created such a swift change that a lot of production houses couldn’t adapt fast enough, even if they cared and made good product. Feel free to hold a moment of silence for them here.

But that’s not what I’m getting at. What I’m getting at is there is a lot of weeding through to be done in order to find the porn that one likes. If you’ve ever been a porn viewer left alone with a search engine, you might know what I’m talking about.

And while some people like more mainstream terms like tits or ass, I look for that nearly nameless quality that I can only broadly refer to as lack of porny.

But I don’t draw a hard line on porny. At times I am attracted to porny. For example:

There is what I refer to, in my head, as the Tarantino effect. To me, the Tarantino effect takes place when porn is glorious not because it has avoided the porny quality, but because it has embraced and glorified the porny quality. It has put a colorful filter over the top of the porn. It has Warhol’d it. It has turned a soup can into the point. I love that. A great example would be content of the sort you might see come from Joanna Angel.

And there is also the porn that the porny quality was trying to knock off in the first place. For example, the content we renamed Oil Slicks on TRENCHCOATx. It is bright, stretchy, completely unrealistic clothing on tan bodies twisting around in very markedly Los Angeles McMansions aided by unbranded bottles of baby oil. It is orbs of flesh so close to the camera that it fish eyes. It is big names, big dicks, and big fucks. It is gonzo by a man who loves gonzo. It’s porny touched with love.

And then there’s the porny that doesn’t want to be porny, but it’s fucking tried, god dammit. Someone cared even if it fell short.

That is what today’s update is for me. It is a porn scene that is porny despite the effort.

I struggled with whether to post this one. The pros and cons of the scene were tied for me as it related to TRENCHCOATx. On the one hand, the sex itself is very strong—in both scenes—but on the other hand, the camera work, the storyline, the style…. It’s all so porny.

The storyline: I (Kayden Kross) am married to or dating this affectedly French guy named Manuel Ferrara (because art imitates life, as they say). Bree Daniels, a starry-eyed young thing, has set her sights on this French guy (who is a photographer, no less). Naturally, she’s pretty caught off guard when his wife/girlfriend (I can’t remember what our official status was in the script) answers the door and calls her out. Rather than rebuke her for stepping on my turf, it turns out I’m on the sexual prowl myself, and she’s hardly the first wandering soul to wander across Manuel. Also: surprise! Manuel isn’t just any photographer. He’s a porn photographer. In fact he’s probably photographing some porn somewhere right now. Does she find that exciting? Great! Because if she wants to give the whole thing a whirl she’ll have to go through me first, and I like to be gone through, if you will. In fact, I like to be gone through so much that Manuel and I have an agreement: He can sleep with any woman he fancies, so long as I sleep with her first.

Well, what’s an infatuated lady like Bree to do? Fuck me of course. And so she does. And then Manuel comes home and it’s all so hot that he fucks me too.

Surprise again.

Now that setup is porny as fuck. That just smacks of porn all over the place (and wait until you see what I’m wearing). There’s a lot of convenience to it.

My problem with too much convenience in a storyline is it takes you out of the story. You brain instinctively says, Yo. That’s some bullshit. Then you’re too focused on the bullshit to stay in the story. Why do you focus on the bullshit? Because it’s demeaning to you, the viewer. It’s demeaning because you start to think the storyteller is underestimating you. And I know it’s just porn, as they say. But just because it’s porn doesn’t mean you get a get out of jail free card from the brain’s most instinctive responses. We all have bullshit detectors. Sure, they’re a little less attuned with a boner in hand, but they’re still there somewhere, lurking in the background.

It’s why we are tired of the plumber and the pool guy and the pizza delivery man. We were tired of them from day one. They were too convenient. They smacked of porn even before they were associated with lazy porn set ups. They’re corny with a penis. They’re porny.

So why did we make such a porny set up?

Well, let me tell you a story: Once upon a time I was lounging luxuriously in my bed with little to do, when someone forwarded me a photo. It was a photo of model in a latex costume in front of a white picket fence. This photo nearly made my nose bleed. The model was hot enough to induce nose bleeds. Who is this model, I asked Google. Google responded: This is Bree Daniels. Then I fell down the Google holes into the photographic world of Bree Daniels.

At the time, Bree was performer who limited her scenes to encounters with other women. To this day, one of my favorite scenes of all time is the one I did with her in Girl/Girl scene. I am, in short, a quite vocal fan of Bree Daniels.

I told her, If you ever start performing with men, I want to be the first to know. She said, Okay.

Fast forward a year or two. One Sunday night I’m sitting in our living room. Manuel and I are going over the details of his latest movie for Evil Angel. The title he’s working on is Slutty and Sluttier. The movie is fully booked. The first two scenes are already shot. We’ve decided to put me in this movie for any number of reasons. The scene I’m in is shooting the next day. I am freshly spray tanned. Then I get a text.

Bree Daniels says to me, (I’m paraphrasing) Hey I decided to do boy/girl scenes. My first scene is on Tuesday but if you want to shoot me tomorrow you can have my first scene.

And I say, Done.

And like that, we have Bree Daniel’s first boy/girl scene booked last minute in a movie that was already fully booked and halfway finished.

Slutty and Sluttier is a title line created at a time when Manuel thought Dumb and Dumber represented quality movie making. It is porny, and now thankfully a retired line. But on that day that was not the case. Slutty and Sluttier was alive and well, and did not feature anything other than bright spandex and naked chicks. Storyline did not exist in this movie. But Bree Daniels is special, and we felt tasked with creating something special for her first scene. The problem is you can’t create special on such short notice and with the movie already half made in a different direction. So we duct taped a storyline together that would accommodate the existing scenes, tried to shoot dialogue with a cameraman who deals exclusively in gonzo content, and married the Slutty and Sluttier makeup look to a mini-feature porn project to boot. It was a hodgepodge of porny.

But. The sex was truly hot. Manuel got off on watching me perform with Bree, and in real time did join in once that scene was finished. I got off on him getting off on it. Also, Bree. I’ve mentioned her. Nosebleed hot and such. So we were left with this funny mixing of circumstances, and now here we are.

I was back and forth on uploading this scene to TRENCHCOATx because on the one hand, it is porny, but on the other hand, I’m really happy with the actual sex. And porn is ultimately about the sex, even if I like to focus on making a nice home for it inside of some pretty shots and some dialogue. The sex is the real story–or at least ought to be–and I think in this case it’s a good one, even if the home we created for it is completely ridiculous. So that’s the backstory on this double scene. If it feels random, that’s because it is. But if it feels hot, that’s also because it is. Will we put ourselves in such a poorly planned situation like this again? Hopefully not. But would we pass up an opportunity such as Bree Daniels first boy/girl scene? Never.