My life is strange in small ways. Not only because of the choices I’ve made but sometimes just because I attract it, which I guess indirectly is a choice too. Then there are the things I have no control over whatsoever, like the house that disappeared yesterday.
No, I didn’t steal it. But I can’t figure out when a bulldozer would have had time to come quietly through my neighborhood and take it away. It was there two days ago. It was gone today. All that’s left is a smooth grated corner dirt lot with a chain link fence and a port-a-potty. It sounds very average as I type it but trust me, when houses start going up in thin air in your neighborhood you’ll question it too.
There was my horse’s halter at the ranch… it disappeared six months ago and today it was back where I left it (6 months ago), laundered and lovingly tied. I don’t know whether the culprit considered it short term theft or long term borrowing but either way I’m not happy about it.
There were the questions I answered in today’s interview. I’m sure you can imagine the kinds of things a publication would want to know about a pornstar: who what when where why, except bent over and in heels. There is always a fallacious assumption that if you can find nude content of a person on the internet she’s somehow lost the right to the normal boundaries of a conversation. I’m not bagging on the questions related to sex. I know that comes with the territory and I’m comfortable with it. It just seems like sometimes they cross boundaries that only people with medical degrees should cross. Or at least certified therapists.
There was the fact that I did not get laid on Valentine’s Day. It’s like an elf not getting a gift on Christmas.
There was the line of the week. I was picking up groceries and a request had been made for Kettle brand salt and pepper chips. The problem is there are three kinds of Kettle salt and pepper chips. There’s cracked pepper. There’s sea salt. I had hit a fork in the road. As I stood there narrowing it down a kind young man stopped to help. He recommended the sea salt. Then he said it: Why don’t I be pepper and you be salt. Lines that classic should be retired like the names of major hurricanes.
And then there are days like this, where I can spend the whole day in Starbuck’s with a hot tea and a laptop and watch the rain fall outside and people come and go and write about nothing and play on Myspace and Facebook and Twitter and say I worked.