I’ve been loving the stories I get from homeless people lately. Far more entertaining than anything in the theaters right now. Today one claimed that the pigeons ate his parents and he needs money for a bb gun, but then he said “why lie I need a beer” and took the magic out of it. Yesterday one was waiting for a $1 million settlement and hated US currency and the racketeering and Brooke Shields. I still can’t quite recreate how he related those four things but he did. I was impressed to say the least.
I was also impressed by the tree guy at Venice beach. He was green and covered in foliage and walked around on stilts and I swear to god he was an instant hit when he moved his arms like a willow. I couldn’t believe someone actually found a way to monetize that. He was even more popular than the gold painted man in Hollywood who stood perfectly still and waited for small children to walk by, ready to pounce and incite crying and pant-wetting. I think the tree guy turned into a creepy Abe Lincoln later though. How many lanky men with stilts can there really be in the world?
There was also the guy selling his self-published book. He’s been there for years now and he even sucked me in once. It is easily one of the most poorly written books I have ever read. I stored it away on the books-I-can’t-bring-myself-to-finish-because-they’re-that-bad shelf, right next to a few Tom Clancy novels and most of the crap I’ve been stupid enough to buy in a grocery store. I’ll readily admit I’m a book snob and the Tim Hoags and Danielle Steels of the world make me sad for the future of printed material, or the future of the generations who force themselves through their novels thinking that this is what reading is supposed to be like. I wonder sometimes if we’re just in a big circle and as TV quality and books go downhill we’ll be forced to play outside again. Maybe we’ll go back to hopscotch and jump robe. It might very well be the only hope for mankind and our obesity and energy crisis.
I don’t know how it’s going to help the third world countries though. They don’t have obesity or energy. Maybe getting back to our simple playground roots will make us all less greedy and we’ll stop using our military to control the resources of poor nations… maybe we’ll stop dealing arms and creating war incentives with super sized military contracts. Maybe war regions will stabilize and governments will start using the resources they regain control over to fund their respective country’s growth. Maybe I’ve just discovered world peace. Blame Danielle Steel and bad sitcoms and Brooke Shields.