But what’s natural

I gave myself my first blister from running today. I will wear it as a badge of honor and as an excuse not to run tomorrow. I’m hanging out at my buddy’s loft. He has his own gonzo line and the chick he was supposed to be shooting was sent home so we spent some time trying to figure out what else can be done with the day.

I talked with the make up artist while the chick waited for her agent to pick her up. We talked sex stuff. It’s the kind of brutally honest and strangely reasoned conversation that can is often found on porn sets, between porn people who see relationships and sex from the other side of the glass. We talked about monogamy, how it’s impossible, especially in porn relationships and how there isn’t much of an alternative. Every relationship is unique and custom made for the people involved, and without steadfast monogamy it’s a slippery slope into another person’s pants and before you know it things have morphed and twisted or disintegrated and we all move on. There’s no real answer other than the rules you agree on between each other, and there are no referees.

I’d like to think that if monogamy were natural it would be easy. But jealousy isn’t easy either. Neither are break ups, and if monogamy isn’t natural then that would mean break ups are, or that jealousy wouldn’t exist. But that’s only if you believe that what is natural is what nature pushes us to want. And if you believe natural is best. But how natural is anything we do anymore, anyway? Right now I’m communicating by tapping on squares in a falsely lit room.