America does the World: American History as a gonzo film, a three-disk set

Here’s what I learned in school this week

Disk 1: Barely Legal

Scene one: B/B/B/B/G “Discovery of the New World”
Portugal, Spain, France and England run a train on the Americas. Russia tries to make love to Alaska in the corner.

Scene two: B/B/B/B/G “The Slave Trade”
Same as above, on West Africa

Scene three: B/B “The American Revolution”
England dukes it out with the US, gay wrestling match ensues in which they fight over who gets to be the pitcher. France and Spain stand nearby, occasionally throwing sucker punches and cheering on the US…. England makes a face and calls a truce when he gets a taste of dick in his mouth.

Scene four: B/B “War of 1812”
Replay of scene three, US beats his chest.

Scene five: B/G oral “Louisiana Purchase”
US pays France to suck his dick

Disk 2: Manifest Destiny

Scene one: B/G/G/G/G… “Trail of tears”
US does a bang up job of delivering a hefty facial to each and every tribe, saves the best for last with the Cherokee Nation, kicks them all off set. Promises not to do it again with his fingers crossed behind his back.

Scene two: B/G “Mexican War”
US propositions Mexico. Mexico turns it down. US bends her over and does her anyway, throws some money at her afterwards. She turns it down again and he threatens to do her in the butt, chants “All of Mexico” until she takes the money.

Scene three: Solo “Civil War”
US rubs one out, pulls a muscle.

Scene four: Orgy “World Wars I and II”
Germany gets the cream pie, France seriously questions its sexuality. US is the only one who finds it good enough to smoke a cigarette.

Scene five: B/B/B/G anal “Israel”
Allies and Israel do Palestine. Internal pop for Israel. US gives aid(s).

Scene six: Softcore “Cold War”
US and Russia stare each other down from opposite ends of the set as they stroke their dicks through their pants, make bets on whose is bigger and tell the crew to pick sides. US shoves his wallet in his crotch and wins.

Disk 3: Busty Cops

Scene one: B/G “Vietnam”
US chases a squirmish Vietnam around the set, can’t pin her down, loses wood, calls the scene. Brags to his friends how hard he fucked her anyway.

Scene two: B/G fetish “US Invasion of Panama”
US sneaks in at midnight and calls her Noriega while he canes her. When she asks why he says ‘just cause’.

Scene three: B/G anal “Desert Storm”
Iraq sneaks up on Kuwait, US jumps Iraq and butts fucks it. Forgets to pull out.

Scene four: B/G “American forces in Saudi Arabia”
US promises Osama “just the tip”. Leaves it there.

Bonus Scenes: “Best of Israel”
Director’s cut of “Israel”. US gives more aid(s). The other allies walk.

“Best of Iraq”
Director’s cut of scene 3, US chokes her out preemptively.