Before they edit my interviews, they actually look like this

…it’s what conservatives always feared.

Q: I guess you’ve had that question about a 1000 times but what did you do before porn and how did you get involved in that industry?

A: I’ve always done porn. Sex trafficking likes to pick ‘em young. Like Chinese gymnasts.

Q: You’ve had quite a few awards already. Do these awards still mean something to you (i.e : is it always nice to have the industry’s recognition?) or are they just another nice bonus that will go on your mantlepiece?

A: I consider them to be proof that I’m on the right track. They legitimize my blow jobs.

Q:  By the way, where do you really do with them?

A: I use them to club baby seals.

Q: Like a lot of adult entertainers, you’re pretty active on Twitter and you have your own blog since early 2008 (where you write A LOT) Is it important for you to share your (almost) daily life with so many people (you currently have 265000+ followers) ?

A:  I’m actually illiterate and frankly I’m really fed up with these impostors.

Q: What is it like being married to Manuel Ferrara? On a more serious note, I’ve seen two of your movies in which you’re married to him (The Smiths and Body Heat) and like in every Manuel scene I’ve seen, there seems to be a real chemistry between the two of you. I asked that question to most of the performers who shot a scene with him and I got just about the same answer from everyone : Manuel has that ability to make you feel special during a scene. How was it for you?

A: He dips his dick in cocaine before a scene its really nice.

Q: Can you tell me a fun fact about yourself that you never told anyone… Pleeeeease ? 😉

A: I was born with a tail.

Q: If you were not doing porn, where would you be right now?

A: Probably free, and brunette.

Q: Digital Playground’s Top Gun is a BIG (huge?) budget movie. What was it like shooting it? (did I say that I really loved it?)

A: Flying the jets got tricky. But the Go pills helped.

Q:  Should I steal you MP3 player right now, what would I find in it?

A: Drugs.

Q: Should I accept your invitation to dinner… hmm, sorry, should you accept my invitation to dinner. What kind of restaurant would I have to take you to?

A: We’re not allowed to eat. I get my calories from alcohol. Plus I heard that bread and stuff has cellulite in it.

Q: Can you say that you have real friends in the industry or are there just “business partners”?

A: We’re all very close, considering how we were raised together on the sex trafficking farm.

Q: Is there any chance to see you direct some day?

A: We’re not really allowed out.

Q: For you, what’s the best thing about working in porn?

A: The adrenaline rush I get from daily exposure to deadly STDs and moral decay.

Q: Have you considered mainstream acting?

A: I’m not acting. Those tears are real.

Q: Is there a negative side to porn? (some of the performers I interviewed said it was difficult to have a serious relationship)

A: The gun they’re always holding to my head is getting to be a boring landscape, ya know?

Q: what’s the worst question you ever had to answer in an interview? (you can of course quote one of the above)

A: Someone threw a math question in there once. Actually they just asked how many abortions I’d had and it really stumped me. Never again.

Q: Throughout your career, you’ve done gonzo titles and features with real comedy lines. In which do you feel more at ease?

A: Well the feature sets have a bigger budget for drugs and alcohol so I tend to prefer those. Plus the longer set days mean I don’t have to go home to my shackles quite as early.

Q: Out of 10, How would you (honestly) rate this interview?

A: I think I nailed it.